So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
