You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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