Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
