So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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