you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
