he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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