Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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