I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
