apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
