I faked an abortion last night.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
