I am in a vortex of obligation.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
