phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Randomize
