I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
