tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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