Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
What a dumb baby whore.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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