There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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