obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
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