She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
jump out the window naked night went bad
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
