ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
