Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
