I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just puked most of my soul out..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
