You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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