I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
