Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
