you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
