Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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