Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
