Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
