Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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