i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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