I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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