I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
