but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
