I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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