worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
