Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize