Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
