he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
