Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we're making bets on your personal life
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
