i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Vodka?
Forever.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
