why didn't you poke me back
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
