Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
