I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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