maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
