Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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