I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
