we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
