I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think people are normalizing furries
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
