tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
