If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
