he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She's the barista slut.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You can't just leave with hair like that
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
