i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
