theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
