false alarm. still invincible.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
