shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
