drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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