I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
