things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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