I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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