so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
