Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
