batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
