I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
