Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
