It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
